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'Old Man Winter punked us': Sea Salt closes due to Minnesota's unforgivably awful weather

Will winter ever end?

Will winter ever end? Star Tribune file

Exactly one week ago, City Pages published a blog with the hopeful headline "Patio season is SO CLOSE: Where and when you can start dining al fresco."

What poor, naive fools we were. 

Among the hyped patio openings: Sea Salt, the beloved seafood joint adjacent to Minnehaha Falls in south Minneapolis, which opened for the season last Friday. 

And now it's closed. 

The culprit should be obvious to any Twin Citian who has endured this week's tyrannical blasts of lingering winter: Old Man Winter, that impossibly dickish ol' coot. 

"We’ll admit it. Old Man Winter punked us," the team at Sea Salt posted to Facebook on Thursday. "He usually throws some snow around and that’s fine…but this year he added sheets of ice in front of the restaurant and now below zero temps? Come on, this is NOT what anyone ordered."

Correct! Old Man Winter can go straight to hell, where the temperature actually seems downright enviable. Sea Salt staffers chugged away the beer inventory, the post tells us, and donated much of the fish to food shelves. A re-re-opening date is set for April 12.

Seasonally appropriate temps won't arrive quite that fast, however. We're not forecasted to crack 50 degrees until the following day -- Friday the 13th. Here's hoping we get lucky.