'Why Your Team Sucks' is back with a new home, brutal Vikings takedown


Deadspin was a good website.  

It still nominally exists, but as a scabby, hollow shell of itself following a 2019 staff exodus to protest the clueless, intrusive management tactics of owner G/O Media. Last week, Deadspin's former staff unveiled their new project, Defector Media, a worker owned and run sports website that refuses to stick to sports. Among the marquee bylines is Drew Magary, the Minnesota-born writer famous for his ritualized bullying of the Williams-Sonoma catalog and every single NFL team. 

Magary's beloved "Why Your Team Sucks" series made its debut at Defector last week, and the Vikings installment — always the best due to Magary's sadist Vikes fandom — went live Wednesday. It doesn't disappoint. Dom Capers, the flamed-out Packers defensive coordinator who's now in Minnesota, draws Drew's venom, as does the COVID-skeptical Jesus freak quarterback and basically every off-season roster move. He seems to like second-year tight end Irv Smith Jr., however. 

As always, Magary saves his nastiest barbs for... well, for us. 

"You’re talking about a bunch of people who are CONSTANTLY hiding their ugliness underneath a foundation of plastered-on smiles and lukewarm hot dishes," he writes, accurately, of Minnesotans. "Of course this is where George Floyd was murdered, and of course this is where everyone in Edina reacted to that murder by locking up their flatware when they go to sleep at night."

You can (and should!) read the full piece here, and consider coughing up some cash to get around the Defector paywall, since the equally essential Packers takedown should appear any day now.