This past weekend featured a fine mash-up of party-worthy events, as the Kentucky Derby and Cinco de Mayo synced up to the delight of hard-drinking, hat-wearing white people throughout the land.
The confluence of these events helps explain any sightings of cheerful but staggering folks on Saturday night. A course of day-drinking that slinks right into the dark of night can make one's limbs uncooperative. For most of us, their temporary removal is not an option.
It was, though, for one person hanging in south Minneapolis this past weekend. According to a post on the always fascinating Nextdoor app, a resident was walking on Lyndale Avenue Sunday morning when he or she spotted a peculiar object on the steps leading up to a house.
"Anyone missing a prosthetic arm near 24th and Lyndale?" the poster asked.
There is a charming innocence to the phrasing of this question, which pairs the "lose something?" style of other lost-and-found items ... with a wildly different sort of object. This is not a pair of sunglasses, a driver's license, or wallet. If someone is "missing a prosthetic arm," trust us, Nextdoor person: they know.
A screenshot of the Nextdoor alert wound up on a local Reddit page (because of course), and the poster informs City Pages that someone replied on Nextdoor to say:
"That was in front of my house! It's gone now. There was another one on the 1800 block of Bryant apparently, which they gave to the police."
Let us assume this is true.
So, in the course of a single day, not one but two prosthetic limbs turned up on south Minneapolis streets, roughly 10 blocks apart, and one has since gone missing. To that point: What does one who has two arms even want a prosthetic arm for?
Wait, don't answer that.
"The mystery deepens!!" the Reddit writer observes.
It does, and, while we know Minneapolis police surely have hundreds of hotter, more important cases than the Mystery Arms of the Wedge, this situation is causing confusion on two local websites. (And, now, counting citypages.com, a third.) If we can't know what happened, can the authorities at least act out some cheesy dialogue, like in a TV police procedural, so that folks can have some closure?
Cop 1: "Who do you suppose did it?"
Cop 2: "Whoever it is, I know one thing." [Adjusts sunglasses, looks suspiciously in the direction of Red Dragon and the CC Club.] "When we find the guy, he'll be unarmed."
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